Adoption Is Our Option

Adoption Is Our Option

So we have been at this now for two years and have had two failed placements during that time. As far as we know, we don’t have anyone looking at us. This isn’t a new process for our family. We have a son who we adopted in 2014 after two very heart wrenching failed placements, so we know the “adoption game” and we definitely aren’t new to heart break when it comes to being able to have a family.

We get asked a lot “Why don’t you guys just go through foster care?” We hear a lot of stories like “So and so went through foster care and they adopted 6 babies in 5 weeks” or other crazy, miraculous stories of foster care triumph. We put a lot of thought and consideration into what path we should take for our family. With Foster Care there were considerable risks that seemed too daunting to us as well as other reasons why we have not taken the Foster Care route thus far. Ultimately though, it comes down to prayer. We studied out our options, prayed about all options, and then we moved forward with what we thought was going to be best for our family and what the answer to our prayers was. With that being said, adopting is still very hard and there is a lot to navigate even for the most experienced adoptive family.

Adoption Is Hard For More Than Just The Obvious Reasons

When it comes to adoption there are some definite hurdles that make it seem like finding your child is like climbing Mt. Everest  - a never ending climb; but when you reach the top there are breathtaking views.  

1. First You Have Your Home Study

The first step in becoming an adoptive parent is getting a “home study”. The requirements to “certify” can vary but all have some basic tenants such as: home safety requirements, background checks, CPR/First Aid certification, verification of employment and health insurance, and child development/adoption education courses, etc. All things I understand are good and in the best interest of the child but it is mounds of paperwork and time and can definitely slow down your journey - which doesn’t seem like a big deal except as adoptive parents - finding your baby can be all mind/life consuming. So you just want that part behind you already.

Fees for certification can also vary widely depending on how fast you want your home study done. We have seen fees from $1500 all the way up to $3000.  This may not seem like much, but it all adds up and there are even risks depending on which agency you use for this. The agency we used for our Home Study filed Bankruptcy. Luckily the state of California is allowing us to continue to use it until our year is up (Home studies have to be updated annually by law) and so come October, we will be starting our home study process all over again.  

2. Finding your Birth Mom

The second “climb” is finding a birth mom - there are so few birth moms and so many adoptive couples! According to the National Adoption Center, which does the largest amount (if not all) the research on adoption in America, found that in 2014 there were approximately 70,000 children placed for adoption (outside of a relative) while the number of couples waiting to adopt at any given time in the United States is about 2 MILLION! That equates to about 45 couples waiting PER CHILD that is going to be adopted.  Those numbers are gut-wrenching to couples likes us hoping to adopt.

Some adoptive couples seek out agencies with really high placement rates but they typically cost upwards of 40K+ and usually that doesn’t even include “Birth Mother Expenses” which includes assisting with her bills (rent, cell phone, electricity, water, food, etc.) buying maternity clothes, and any other expenses that make her life more comfortable during her pregnancy.

A secondary route - which is what we have done - is to hire an “Adoption Facilitator.” This persons job is to handle all of our marketing to ultimately find us an expectant mother who is planning on placing her child for adoption. Facilitators are typically paid up front (before they’ve done their job) and fees vary from 15K to 20K which is a HUGE cost. However, at least it isn’t in the 40K range.

With our adoption facilitator, they are contracted to represent us until we adopt a baby (found through the facilitator’s efforts).  We signed with her because she was hailed as one of the best in the state of California, with a typical wait time of 12-18 months for a family that already has children in the home. She only takes 26 to 30 families at any given time to make sure she is able to give a lot of individualized attention to each family.

That being said 0.5% of all births in the U.S. end in adoption so even with an amazing, experienced facilitator the odds of reaching the pinnacle are still not in our favor, not only because there are so few babies available for adoption, but because the adoption industry can be REALLY CORRUPT.  

3. The Adoption Industry is Filled With Corruption and Risk

That heading may sound out of bounds but when you have experienced what we have experienced there really isn’t a nice or pleasant way to put it. Adoption is a business, and I get that. People have to make money to support their families but it seems to be OUT OF CONTROL in the adoption industry.

But hey! Let’s talk business.

Adoption functions by supply and demand. This was proven to us when we were calling agencies and I had “Joe” from an agency tell me “If you want a black baby it will cost you $15k to $20k and you could probably have one in a month. If you want a mixed baby you’re looking at $30k and it taking maybe up to six months. If you want a caucasian baby, you’re looking at up to a year but closer to $50,000.” Now let’s break this down - 1. you are advertising for me (no matter what race); 2. you are doing the legal work (which is the same no matter what race); 3. you are doing the home study (that is the same no matter what race); 4. you are meeting with the expectant mom and counseling with her (or you’re supposed to be - no matter what race her baby is going to be) - So WHY does it vary in price?

Because they can. Adoption agencies have a monopoly on the adoption process and it’s influenced by race. They can turn a larger profit on the families preferring a specific race and that have the money to spend up to $50,000 on a baby. Honestly this is just the tip of a very deep iceberg that cannot be surmised in one blog post but let me relay one more story…

This past December we went through failed adoptive placement in Texas. Before we left for Texas from California, with hopes of bringing home our baby,  our agency who would be handling some of our paperwork and social worker visits after we brought baby home asked us to pay them up front so that it would “streamline the process and allow us to get home with our baby faster.” Well anytime you use the word “faster” with an adoptive couple - they are going to do it. So we moved forward. We paid them $3600 for their services that would occur AFTER we brought baby home.

I was assured that if the placement failed we would have our money back within days. So we get home, empty handed, and I email our agency to tell them what happened and that I needed my refund. I get an email back that it will be in my account by the end of the week. I don’t see it. I wait another week. Still nothing. I reach out to the agency and they say “It was approved, you should have it by the end of this week, we promise.” The next day we get an email stating that they were closing their doors and filing bankruptcy.

Later I found out that they had known 90 days prior to closing their doors that they would be filing bankruptcy. I asked an attorney if that is even legal - How can they be taking people’s money if they know they are going out of business?? Unfortunately it is not illegal - just immoral. Luckily we only had $3600 tied up with them. Other families had tens of thousands of dollars that are now gone. One of our friends who has worked in the adoption industry and through her employer has placed many children for adoption has said to us, “I have thought about getting my private license to be able to facilitate and place children but the adoption industry is so corrupt on every level, that I feel like I can’t even be a part of it.” Unfortunately, there are no laws in place to protect adoptive couples from the wolves of the adoption industry.

4. Birth Mother Scams

I first want to preface that I don’t think that all expectant mothers who are considering adoption or planning on placing their child for adoption are in it to scam hopeful adoptive parents. I honestly believe that most expectant mom’s who are choosing to place their child are not money driven or looking for a way to have their expenses met. However, the risk for an adoptive couple is that they will be scammed by a “birth mother” who is simply using the adoption system to have her needs met during her pregnancy. This risk is very real and I have heard some very disturbing stories and have experienced this personally. So how does it work?

Depending on the laws of the state in which you are adopting from you are “allowed” to “assist” a birth mother with her needs when it comes to anything that might have to do with her pregnancy/adoption. Most states laws are pretty weak when defining what is “allowed” and what the “needs” can be defined as. For example in most states you are allowed to pay for housing, food, utility bills, clothing, transportation, cell phones or communication devices, toiletries, or any other “need” that arises while she is pregnant with your future child. I personally don’t have any issue paying for these needs and have in the past been happy to do it. Unfortunately, there is no legal commitment from the expectant mother to actually go through with the adoption - even if you, the adoptive couple,  have paid for every single thing for nine months. She is not required to repay or return any part of the assistance that was given to her throughout the course of her pregnancy.

So you can probably see why this might be a beneficial route to take for an expectant mo who is struggling to make ends meet. This becomes a means to an end for her to be able to receive support without a definite commitment of having to place. It’s a challenging spot for adoptive families because there are 199 MILLION other families who can and will pay for all the expenses that she is in “need” of.  So if you don’t feel comfortable paying these expenses in part or in full, you risk losing a possible placement. It’s all part of the “adoption game” as we call it at our house.  

This is one of the biggest reasons that adoption becomes a huge risk, emotionally and financially.As an adoptive parent, you are putting everything you have in that one basket and praying and hoping that it becomes a reality without getting screwed in the process. Don’t get me wrong, I love birth moms and I love their desire to bless a family with a gift that is indescribable. They do something that most cannot and will not. I love them; however, I do feel that more can be done and laws can be written to protect adoptive parents from being taken advantage of. How I would propose to do that is for a different blog post.

5. It Takes a Mental and Emotional Toll on You, Your Marriage, and Your Family

Having a failed adoption takes a major toll on you emotionally, mentally, and even physically, and to be 100% honest - gives you a little Adoption PTSD. Just the adoption process in general does it too, even if you are successful. My husband and I have processed each loss differently (which I would imagine is typical since we are different genders) and since no two people experience loss exactly the same way this created opportunities for us to work on our communication skills (the silver lining to adoption loss). It has been a lot of hard work and long tear-filled talks, and a lot of trying to understand your spouses perspective which sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t work as well. It’s messy and hard. Just the other day while we were driving my husband grabs my hand and says, "This has to be our last time we go through the adoption process. I can't watch you go through this anymore."

One thing we didn’t fully understand is what it would be like for our son. He really really wants a “baby sister” and talks about her all the time.This isn’t something that we have put into his mind (Thanks Daniel Tiger!). We have lots of friends and families who have multiple children and he asks us about his friends and their sisters and brothers.  He went with us to Texas in December to hopefully pick up his sibling and as much as we try to protect him from the loss of adoption we also have to prepare him that we might be bringing a baby home. It’s tricky and harder than I thought it would be.  So we are trying to process our own emotions and those of our son. It’s an emotional roller coaster from the moment you get the call to the moment you do or do not bring home baby. It continues each time your child asks you for a sibling or asks "Are we going to the hospital to pick up baby sister today?"

I recently wrote a post about how even if you have a feeling like the adoption is not going to go through - you still have to proceed, for your own sanity. What I mean by that is that if you don’t follow it until the end (the end being either you are placed or not) you could always wonder “what if.” What if she decides to place last minute and I had already walked away? What if she is really being sincere and this is just my Adoption PTSD talking? There are just so many doubts and so many questions throughout the whole process that it’s hard to navigate what is real and what isn’t. It's a stressful, mind consuming process where you have little to no control and you really just have to prepare mentally at the beginning that you may never make it to the top to see that beautiful vista.

SO WHY ADOPTION?!

I know as you read this you are probably thinking – WHY would you ever go down this route with the odds being so low, risk of corruption being high and to top it off the emotional roller coaster? You must be crazy. Yes we are that…..but we have also experienced the joy and love and overwhelming sense of gratitude for a birth mom who did place and who did make our hearts full. Our adoption journey has been traumatic and heartbreaking and soul wrenching and I would never wish it upon anyone, but it has also been miraculous, eye opening, soul fulfilling and any other adjective that you could use to describe a little slice of heaven here on earth. We have seen God’s hand prepare a specific child to come to our home by putting people and jobs and houses and opportunities in our lives that would never have come any other way under any other circumstance. Adoption has ruined us and has dragged our faith and our marriage through the pits of hell but has made us stronger and grateful and fulfilled.

We know without a shadow of a doubt that we have more children coming to our family. We know that God has a plan and that we will be able to look back and see His hand AGAIN as we find our next child. We know that we had an answer to prayer that extends beyond the knowledge that we have now and going down this adoption path is our way of trying our very best to have faith in Heavenly Father, in His plan and His answers.

Adoption Loss #3 - Part of our story

Before we adopted our son, Turner, we experienced two heart wrenching failed adoptions. These losses tested our faith, our marriage, and our strength and fortitude to be able to do what it would take for us to have an eternal family. Once we experienced the incredible joy of adoption with our son (our third adoption attempt) we were so grateful that we had given adoption "one last shot."

As soon as Turner turned 1 we decided to try adopting again. If one child could bring us joy - then what joy we could have with TWO! We did all that was necessary to move forward and 18 months later, ON MY BIRTHDAY, we got a call that we had been chosen by a birth mother in Amarillo, Texas. We felt that the fact that we had been chosen on my birthday must be the hand of God assuring us that this was meant to be. The next day we talked on the phone with our birth mother, Brandy. All seemed well and we felt from our initial conversation that things would work out.

As time progressed however, and we talked more with her something didn't quite feel right. I prayed tirelessly that I would feel at peace with this adoption but peace did not come. I went weeks with waking up in the middle of the night thinking about the adoption and not being able to go back to sleep. One night as I tried to calm my mind I heard a still small voice say in my mind "this adoption is not going to happen." I remember feeling totally distraught. What was I supposed to do with that information? The next day I still felt those feelings and I started to tell myself that it was just me. It was just my own thoughts. It was just my own fears of losing another adoption. It was my negativity coming out. It was my own past experiences projecting onto this experience. I told myself all these things but I couldn't shake the feeling I had in the depths of my heart. So I called and talked to our adoption facilitator about some of the thoughts and feelings I was having. I called our social worker who was working with Brandy in Texas and talked to her about the thoughts and feelings I was having and wondered if when she met with Brandy if she had too thought maybe there was something off. Both confirmed what I had rationalized to myself - It was just me being paranoid because I had lost two adoptions before.....so I was projecting onto this adoption and I needed to just relax and let it happen. I needed to "stop being negative."

Brandon and I scheduled a visit to go meet Brandy in person. We met her at the beginning of November and her due date was at the beginning of January. The visit went well at first but as the trip wrapped up neither one of us could sleep. The last night of our visit we both tossed and turned and talked all night about how bad this mother's situation was and how bad of a situation this baby would be born into - yet I couldn't shake the feeling that we were being used. That something wasn't right.

As an adoptive parent you are in a hard place. You are in a place where if you don't move forward you may have just lost an opportunity to bring a baby to your family before really truly knowing if it is going to work out or not. You are placing all of your trust and hopes and dreams in the hands of a birth mom because she is the ONLY PATH to bringing home your baby. So if you walk away - you may have just walked away from your baby. Knowing this - I knew that even if I was having these negative feelings I needed to move forward because I needed to be able to say that we tried. That we did all that we could. That in the end, if it didn't work out, at least we can say for surety that it wasn't because we didn't put ourselves out there.

So we moved forward and instead of praying to know if it was or wasn't going to work out (because I already knew in my heart - though I wouldn't admit it at the time) I started to pray for peace. Peace that I could move forward knowing that if it did or did not happen that I would know that God has a plan for our family. That we were in his hands. God answered our prayers. He gave us the peace. He gave us the assurance that we needed through little miracles and tender mercies along the way EVEN THOUGH He told me from the start that it wasn't going to happen. Even though He warned me. That how much He loves each and every single one of us - He love us and guide us and strengthen us when He knows we are walking right into heartbreak.

And that we did. I put myself way out there and tried to do everything this birth mother asked of us. We broke our own "adoption rules" that we have in place for ourselves like:
1. Don't decorate the nursery - she wanted to see pictures so we did it. We wanted her to know that if that was important to her and that made her feel trusted that we would do that.
2. Don't buy clothes - Black Friday rolled around and I went crazy with girl clothes and baby slings and decorations. I just couldn't help myself - I wanted to feel excited. I wanted to feel an ounce of what a "normal mother" feels when she is expecting. Our birth mother also wanted to see the cute things I was buying and she wanted to feel my excitement to bring this baby home - and this seemed like a tangible way to do it.
3. Don't Nest - don't get excited!! Don't prep your house - I did both of those things. I got excited because I started to forget the warnings and started to really think - "you were just projecting. This could happen." And I nested like a crazy person. I scrubbed every inch of my house (I even washed the walls and baseboards mom!! **she would have been  proud**) hoping that maybe if I got it clean enough and scrubbed hard enough that feeling in my heart would go away and this adoption would happen!

So when the crud hit the fan and everything fell apart I felt SO STUPID! How could I let myself do/feel all those things knowing in my heart that it wouldn't work out. Well hindsight is 20/20 and we are human and we make mistakes. What's nice is that I didn't feel like God ever left me or ever said "I told you so." All I felt was His love and care and His outstretched arms saying, "Come here my daughter. I love you and I am sorry you're hurting. I have a plan. Trust me."

We hold no hard feelings for Brandy. I can't imagine being in her shoes and loving my child so much but handing them over to someone else. We love her for trying. We hope that she has a greater love and appreciation for her daughters because of her experience with us. We know that God does have a plan and we do know that AT LEAST one more child is meant for our family. So that is why we blog and that is why we want to get our story out. So that we can find our next family member! God has a plan - and we want to do all we can to put it into motion!!


We did leave Texas with bigger hearts and hats! :)

ONE MORE MAKES FOUR!

A Letter to the Hebdon's Future Birth Mom(s) from Ashlea - Turner's Birth Mom

We have an open adoption with our son's Birth Mother. We love and respect her and are so grateful to have her as part of our "extended family." We want this for our son because we know that it helps him to know who he is and where he comes from. Before we were placed with him we read and studied as much as we could so that we would know how to best help our children learn and understand adoption. We want them to know that they were placed because they were loved and that their birth mom (and her family) wanted what was best for them!

We feel like honest communication between all parties is the key to having a healthy relationship. There does have to be boundaries and there are times where one party may be inconvenienced to make sure that a visit or phone call or picture happens, but it all works out because it is for the best interest of our children.  We hope that we have a great relationship with our future birth mother(s) too.

Ashlea wrote a letter to our future birth mom and we would like to share that here in hopes that it provides some assurance her:

Ashlea and Turner

My experience with Megan and Brandon has been nothing but positive. I found out I was

pregnant with Turner when I was 18 and luckily my family was very supportive of my choice

to place him for adoption. I then met Megan and Brandon through LDS adoption services

and I had certain criteria that I wanted the parents to meet in order to place this baby and

they met it all. But besides that when I first met Megan and Brandon face to face I

automatically knew I wanted them to be the parents of this child. There was something

there that I couldn’t explain and a calm feeling came over me and I knew they were the

ones. I didn’t look at any other families and I’m glad I didn’t.

Megan and Brandon have this chemistry with one another and I wanted my child to have

them as role models. I didn’t grow up with a father so I paid more attention to Brandon at

first when I was deciding. He absolutely loves Megan; he is a hard worker (which helped in

this dynamic because Megan can stay home with Turner & he is literally a little genius at 3

years old). Also Brandon is so dedicated to her and now Turner, and I wouldn’t want Turner

to grow up like anyone else.  Megan is just as great, sweet and caring and has that instinct

to be a fabulous mother. –In which she is and it started as soon as she held Turner.

I swear to you I feel like I had this baby for them. They cherish and love him more than

anything. During my pregnancy they were with me every step of the way, we had great

communication and we still do. They were open to my ideas and wants as well. We have a

very open and honest communication; we have set boundaries with one another and it

works. They respect me as the birth mother and I respect them as his parents. And I trust

them as his parents as well. There is nothing negative I could say about either of them.

They were meant to be parents and that is obvious when you are around them.

I literally love them so much I can’t even express it into words, they are amazing parents to

Turner and any baby would be a great addition to their wonderful family and they deserve

this more than anyone. They have had their fair shares of disappoints with adoption but

Turner was their new hope. Besides them being excited for a new addition, so is Turner,

and if he doesn’t seem to convince you I don’t know what else would. He loves Megan and

Brandon, they are good to him and they would be good to any other child as well. They are

loving, kind, accepting, happy and just overall outstanding parents.

Sincerely, 

Ashlea

Hi! We are the Hebdon’s – Brandon, Megan and Turner! We admire your courage for considering adoption and we are thrilled that you would consider allowing us to welcome your baby into our lives.  We hope this blog helps you to get to know us better!

About Us

We met in college and knew right after our first official date that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. After meeting at the beginning of the semester, we were engaged and married by the end of it. We were so excited to start sharing our lives and adventures together.  We finished college and walked at graduation hand in hand. Brandon got his degrees in Construction Management and Architectural Technologies and Megan received a degree in Political Science.  After graduation Brandon was offered a job in Southern California where we have lived ever since – and we LOVE IT!  We have been married for over eleven years now and still love being on this journey together. We were so excited to welcome our son, Turner, to our family in April of 2014.

Living in Southern California is wonderful because its relaxed pace makes it easy to spend a lot of time as a family doing things we love. The gorgeous weather here allows us to have fun doing all things outdoors – backyard bbq’s, swimming, hiking, camping, beach days, water parks, riding bikes, running, playing at the park and hanging out with friends.  We live a healthy active lifestyle and try to get outside and explore all the beaches and mountains that Southern California has to offer. It has been fun to include Turner in these activities with us and watch him having so much fun exploring. We have done a couple of family running events including a 3 mile bubble run where you run through various colors of bubbles and we recently ran in a local charity event to raise money for children. Turner loved participating in the races with us and enjoyed “going fast” in the stroller.

Megan at the SB County Sheriff Mud Run

Turner and Megan looking at sand crabs at the beach in Santa Monica

Brandon and Megan at Pyramid Lake for a weekend camping trip with friends

Brandon and Turner after the Bubble Run

Megan and Brandon after the Color Run in San Diego

We love swimming and frequently go to the beach or the pool and jacuzzi in the community where we live.  We also get season passes to Six Flags Hurricane Harbor every summer and spend a lot of time enjoying the waterslides and lazy rivers. It is only a ten-minute drive from our house so we go there two to three times a week. Our kids will have no choice but to be little fishes because we love being in the water!  Saturday trips to the beach are an easy 45-minute drive and it’s fun to play in the sand and waves and soak up the sun. We also love riding bikes at the park and Megan loves to set up play dates with other mom’s with children so that there are always a lot of friends around.

When we are at home we love to spend time relaxing in the backyard, cooking yummy food, playing games, and watching our favorite movies. We are definitely “foodies” at heart and love to try out new foods and restaurants. Sometimes we even try to duplicate the recipes at home and have gotten pretty close to perfection with some of our favorites!

We want our home to be full of love, fun, and laughter. On Friday nights we have family night where we make homemade pizzas and watch a movie.  We have collected all the Disney classics and have loved watching Turner fall in love with all of our favorite Disney movies. Fun family traditions are important to us and we can’t wait to make more as our family grows!

We both have eight siblings and love spending time with our large extended family. We want our children to know and love their huge family and we will always make time for trips to see them. We have family reunions for each side of our family and we usually go for four to five days at a time. The trips are filled with lots of fun family activities and a lot of playing with all the cousins.  Last year we went rope swinging into a huge pond and had a “fair” with different booths that each family put on. It is always a lot of fun.  Our families were so excited for us to adopt Turner and we know they will feel the same way about each of the children that come into our home. 

Megan's 2016 Family Reunion

 

Brandon's 2015 Family Reunion

The photo booth at the "Fair" for Brandon's Families 2015 Reunion

About Brandon from Megan’s perspective

I would describe Brandon as a wonderful husband and friend who is very loyal, giving and talented. He is quick to help people with any need that may arise and is happy to do it. Brandon is always striving to be a better father and husband and frequently asks what he can do to be better. He makes sure to schedule time to take me on dates each month and does his best to make me feel special whenever possible. Brandon grew up working on his family’s farm, and as a result he is a really really hard worker and knows how to fix just about anything! Brandon is also an amazing carpenter and very creative. He can look at a piece of furniture in the store and then come home and duplicate it!  He has become so good at building that people have started requesting that he make furniture for their homes as well!  He also just started a new project which is to restore an old 1961 Shasta camper so that our family can have lots of camping adventures!. Another fun thing that I love is Brandon’s ability to sing. He is an amazing singer and has performed with various men’s choirs and was in the Washington State Choir when he was in High School. We enjoy rocking out in the car and always have music on when we are at home.

Brandon is the best father I have ever seen and takes his role as a father very seriously. As soon as he gets home from work he showers us both with kisses and hugs and makes us feel so special. Turner get’s so excited when he see’s his daddy that he starts dancing and smiling and screaming; it’s so much fun to watch. Brandon has taken Saturday’s and Sunday’s and made them “Daddy Days” and spends as much time as he can playing with Turner and doing everything he can to make Turner feel loved. He teaches him how to play new games, they make up new songs, work on their animal sounds, jump on the trampoline, and play as much as possible. Brandon calls Turner his “Best Buddy” and truly adores being a father.

The company Brandon works for is very family friendly and allows him to adjust his schedule so that he can spend as much time with his family as possible. He works for a construction management firm in downtown Los Angeles and loves his job. Because of his flexible career we get to enjoy family dinner together every night and lots of family time before bed. We also make a point to have lunch with Brandon at work once a month and it has become one of our new favorite traditions.

A true family man, Brandon always puts us first and we love to spend time with him. He loves to laugh and joke and most of our friends would describe him as a big fun kid that everyone enjoys being around. 

About Megan from Brandon’s perspective

Megan is great! She is intelligent and thoughtful, and has found her calling in life as a mother. She has experienced and expressed more joy having a child in our home than she had even hoped for.

It took five years before we were placed with our son and during that time Megan had a very successful career in marketing and management for a local municipality. After bringing Turner home from the hospital, Megan was so in love with being a mom that she knew she didn’t want to continue her career. She decided to stay home, be a full time wife and mother, and looks forward to having more children. She does a great job making sure our home is filled with lot’s of love and of laughter.

Both friends and acquaintances all enjoy her company for her genuine interest in them. In every place that we have lived, Megan has made friends easily and we are still in contact with many of these friends today. She has made new friends through community basketball and volleyball teams that she recently joined as well as through a book club that she started for women in our church. She also participates in a “Mommy and Me” hiking group to make sure she has lots of outdoor play time with Turner and other mom’s.

Community involvement and charity work is very important to Megan. She is a great role model and has worked with young women’s organizations where the girls look up to her because of her ability to listen when they just need to talk.  She just completed a project to raise $500 dollars for “love bags” for kids in foster care and is starting a new project to raise money to buy and build bikes for kids in need.  Megan continually strives to become the best that she can be and is truly a blessing for our family and community.

One of my favorite things about Megan is that she is a lot of fun to be around. We love to laugh and joke around together and I just love to spend time with her. She has a way about her that dissolves stress. It really helps me to leave work at work and get the most out of our family time.

Our little family of three means the world to her. Megan and I have often discussed this feeling and how it has grown even stronger since Turner has joined us. Her ability to love and nurture Turner is not only impressive, but it has created a bond within our family that cannot be broken. She is selfless and giving, and willingly focuses her attention on caring for her family and provides all the love that I could hope for.

There is nobody that I admire more than Megan.

What we hope to offer a Child

Like all parents we want out kids to feel loved and valued. Our goal is to raise our kids to know that family is the most important thing and we hope they consider their brothers and sisters their best friends. We plan on making as many fun family memories as possible so that our children build strong bonds around their shared experiences. Some of the things we plan on doing with our family is spending time outdoors – camping, fishing, hiking, inner tubing, white water rafting, and exploring new fun places. We also love sports and can’t wait to see what sports and hobbies interest them. It is important to us to travel and show our children that there are many different types of people and different cultures and that we can appreciate all of them. We want to have a lot of family traditions and build on the ones that we already have.  There is no shortage of hugs and kisses in our home and we hope our children always know how much we cherish them!

Education is also very important to us and we spend a lot of time teaching, but we try to do it in fun ways like singing songs, going to the zoo and learning animal sounds as we see the animals or reading books each night before bed. Megan takes Turner to the library a couple of times a week to pick out new books as well as to a singing and dancing class. Our hope is that each of our children will attend college and have a career in something that they love.  As a couple, we have made a commitment that if our children work hard to get the grades to go to college then we will help them cover their expenses so they can go. We have big dreams for our son and future children and enjoy watching our kids learn and grow.

Our Thoughts on Adoption

Because our son was adopted, we know how amazing and miraculous adoption can be. We are very open to discussing what level of openness you might want to have, and we know that each situation is different and each individual will have different needs. With our current birth mom we enjoy sending her letters and pictures and having yearly visits. She also sends Turner cards and gifts for birthdays and holidays – and that has been a lot of fun.  One thing that we loved is that our birth mom sent Turner books and wrote him letters in the inside cover and we read those to him often so that he knows how much she loves him. It is important to us that our children know that they were placed for adoption because they were loved, and we want them to know how special and important their birth mom is to us. Adoption will not be a secret in our family. Our kids will be aware from an early age that they came into our family in a very special way through a very special person.

If you are interested in learning more about our family please reach out to us at Meghebdon@gmail.com

With love,

Megan, Brandon & Turner